It was four years ago this week that I realized I was losing control. Below the surface, beyond what I was willing (or able) to access, was terror. My life's reality was more than overwhelming: I had a demanding toddler, a helpless infant, a sick grandmother, a crushing real estate sob story, pressure-building freelance work, … Continue reading When the Disordered Behavior Really Started
I've got news for you: that voice in your head that tells you you're worthless, you're a failure, if only you'd done things differently...it's not really your voice. The judgmental bully is called your Superego, a complication of voices--critical relatives, mean kids at school, a diet- and money-obsessed culture--who dominate your thoughts when triggered. Think of … Continue reading Are You Listening to the F’ed Up Greek Chorus in Your Head?
I've been operating in an extreme discomfort zone for about two weeks now. My wellness journey has taken me into eating disorder territory--and, believe it or not, I'm pretty comfortable with that. What's so uncomfortable is not knowing "what to do about it" and fearing "I'm doing it wrong" because I'm so used to trying … Continue reading Do Something Uncomfortable Today
I wanted to find clarity in the woods, and I sure as hell got it. Only it wasn't at all what I wanted, or thought I wanted, anyway. At all. It was more like clarity in a cup. A very large cup of vanilla ice cream blended with peanut butter cups and chocolate sauce. Wait 24 to 48 hours. Repeat.
Right. In the food, not the mood. Or maybe, "in the mood for food?" You get the idea. In light of my recent roller coaster of relapse, I'd like to share what's so fulfilling about practicing an addiction...and what's so soul-sucking about it. If you've been tuning into this blog since the beginning, you've witnessed … Continue reading Being In the Food
Life happens. And life's happenings tend to get in the way of our grandest plans. We find ourselves on one track only to be pushed over onto another route, let alone another track. I had hoped for a clean, 8-week series of posts detailing my experiences with Marc David's The Slow Down Diet, but that's … Continue reading Every Week, Every Day: This is Life
I've been running so much that I haven't had a moment to sit down--let alone stand--to share my experiences here. And for the record, when I say running, I don't mean lacing on my gym shoes and jogging around the neighborhood. I mean moving from one task to the next, from one distraction to the … Continue reading Running to Stand Still
I'm uncomfortable with the concept of being powerless. I wouldn't say I'm a control freak, but I believe I'm empowered to do what I need to do as I navigate life. God or the Higher Power notwithstanding, I've got to know that at I have at least some influence over my destiny, my daily living, my next decision, etc. … Continue reading Powerlessness: A Powerful Reality
It's Valentine's week--no better time to talk about the sensuality of food. Don't worry, I won't get all "TMI" here, but I'm going to use the food/sex analogy to explain my challenge with moderation. Let's dim the lights, shall we? I talk with lots of people about their experiences with overeating and hear just as … Continue reading Let’s Talk About Desire
If you've been following my journey, you've probably noticed some ping-ponging, a behavior that's characteristic of those with weight management issues. One day I'm doing Whole30, the next day I'm not, the day after that I'm waxing philosophic about dichotomous personality and wondering what's wrong with me (I didn't post that one!). But in any quest for … Continue reading When It’s Not Just a Taste