It's been a REALLY long time since I've shared anything to this blog. The fact is, I've spent several months making very slow but steady progress along my path to understand what's standing in my way of being happy/content/serene/satisfied (e.g. my ideal self) and keeping me in the trenches of disordered eating. Lookie there! Well, … Continue reading The Myth of the Ideal Self
It was four years ago this week that I realized I was losing control. Below the surface, beyond what I was willing (or able) to access, was terror. My life's reality was more than overwhelming: I had a demanding toddler, a helpless infant, a sick grandmother, a crushing real estate sob story, pressure-building freelance work, … Continue reading When the Disordered Behavior Really Started
Just when I was resigned to being a food addict, I realized I'm not a food addict. I don't need to control my food in order to be "sane" or "normal." What I need is a whole hell of a lot of liberating mental health work and an understanding of why I carry around limiting beliefs about myself, food, and my body. Now the real work has begun...
I've got news for you: that voice in your head that tells you you're worthless, you're a failure, if only you'd done things differently...it's not really your voice. The judgmental bully is called your Superego, a complication of voices--critical relatives, mean kids at school, a diet- and money-obsessed culture--who dominate your thoughts when triggered. Think of … Continue reading Are You Listening to the F’ed Up Greek Chorus in Your Head?
I've been operating in an extreme discomfort zone for about two weeks now. My wellness journey has taken me into eating disorder territory--and, believe it or not, I'm pretty comfortable with that. What's so uncomfortable is not knowing "what to do about it" and fearing "I'm doing it wrong" because I'm so used to trying … Continue reading Do Something Uncomfortable Today
Nearly four years ago, I began sharing my journey to find sanity with food, my body, and, well, life. I "went public" with my challenges, however undefined, because I know I'm not alone. Lots of other people--even if they're not comfortable talking (or even thinking) about it--can identify with the food/body and plain-old everyday life … Continue reading A Welcome and Blessed Bend in the Road
I wanted to find clarity in the woods, and I sure as hell got it. Only it wasn't at all what I wanted, or thought I wanted, anyway. At all. It was more like clarity in a cup. A very large cup of vanilla ice cream blended with peanut butter cups and chocolate sauce. Wait 24 to 48 hours. Repeat.
Right. In the food, not the mood. Or maybe, "in the mood for food?" You get the idea. In light of my recent roller coaster of relapse, I'd like to share what's so fulfilling about practicing an addiction...and what's so soul-sucking about it. If you've been tuning into this blog since the beginning, you've witnessed … Continue reading Being In the Food
Life happens. And life's happenings tend to get in the way of our grandest plans. We find ourselves on one track only to be pushed over onto another route, let alone another track. I had hoped for a clean, 8-week series of posts detailing my experiences with Marc David's The Slow Down Diet, but that's … Continue reading Every Week, Every Day: This is Life
I'm in the throes of my week 2 adventure of learning how to eat with mind, body, and spirit. My focus this week is on QUALITY, which amounts to choosing foods with integrity: they come from the earth, they were grown or harvested with love, and have a positive story to tell. Sounds great! I … Continue reading Week 2: Treat Yourself to Quality