The Myth of the Ideal Self

It's been a REALLY long time since I've shared anything to this blog. The fact is, I've spent several months making very slow but steady progress along my path to understand what's standing in my way of being happy/content/serene/satisfied (e.g. my ideal self) and keeping me in the trenches of disordered eating. Lookie there! Well, … Continue reading The Myth of the Ideal Self


When the Disordered Behavior Really Started

It was four years ago this week that I realized I was losing control. Below the surface, beyond what I was willing (or able) to access, was terror. My life's reality was more than overwhelming: I had a demanding toddler, a helpless infant, a sick grandmother, a crushing real estate sob story, pressure-building freelance work, … Continue reading When the Disordered Behavior Really Started

I’m Not Really A Food Addict

Just when I was resigned to being a food addict, I realized I'm not a food addict. I don't need to control my food in order to be "sane" or "normal." What I need is a whole hell of a lot of liberating mental health work and an understanding of why I carry around limiting beliefs about myself, food, and my body. Now the real work has begun... 

Are You Listening to the F’ed Up Greek Chorus in Your Head?

I've got news for you: that voice in your head that tells you you're worthless, you're a failure, if only you'd done things's not really your voice. The judgmental bully is called your Superego, a complication of voices--critical relatives, mean kids at school, a diet- and money-obsessed culture--who dominate your thoughts when triggered.¬†Think of … Continue reading Are You Listening to the F’ed Up Greek Chorus in Your Head?

Clarity in the Woods, You Ask?

I wanted to find clarity in the woods, and I sure as hell got it. Only it wasn't at all what I wanted, or thought I wanted, anyway. At all. It was more like clarity in a cup. A very large cup of vanilla ice cream blended with peanut butter cups and chocolate sauce. Wait 24 to 48 hours. Repeat.

Being In the Food

Right. In the food, not the mood. Or maybe, "in the mood for food?" You get the idea. In light of my recent roller coaster of relapse, I'd like to share what's so fulfilling about practicing an addiction...and what's so soul-sucking about it. If you've been tuning into this blog since the beginning, you've witnessed … Continue reading Being In the Food